Yuliana Leshchyshyn - I believe in myself
I really want to share my story. So, here it is:
Restrictions and self - reproach don’t deserve ME.
I’ve never been diagnosed with anorexia, actually I’ve never been to a doctor with my mental or physical problems. But I know how it is when your self-esteem is measured by the gap between your thighs. I’ve got amenorrhea after my weight loss and now I’m on my way to recovery. But every time I try to gain a little bit of weight my self-esteem extremely falls down. I began to feel, that I mean nothing (the voice inside me tells me my weights too much) and I hate my body when I cannot see my muscles clearly (I mean extremely clearly).
Every single morning I wake up and get to open my blanket, I’m ashamed to see my things. When I’m getting dressed I measure my thighs with a centimetre tape. When I overeat, I feel an extreme feeling of guilt and a necessity to exercise harder and harder. Sometimes when I workout strangers can come to me and ask why I do so much cardio and I quickly come up with purposes to avoid talking about the real problem: I HATE MY BODY, ok?
But the most confusing thing is that rationally I understand my problem by I can’t do anything to deal with it and I need a professional aid. At this point I usually begin to reassure myself that I don’t have any problem, I can deal with my thoughts on my own and everything will be ok, I just need more time. But dammit, NO! I continue to feel anxious about consuming food. So, as you can see, there is a huge battle in my soul.
Anyway, thanks to my family and my friends I began to understand that I need to deal with this evil inside of me. Now I’m on my way and I would like to share what helps me the most.
All of us deserve to live a life filled with magnificent moments, not with restrictions and self-reproach. Why? Because there is no person on this planet who would be the same as YOU. You are unique even in the way you do regular things, for example breathing or walking down the streets or dancing. Just try to except this uniqueness.
The other reason why you need to fight with the evil in your soul, that’s because your self-love can change the world in general. Imagine if everybody will love himself and fill the area around him with positive energy. There will be heaven on earth. So let's start with ourselves because we are responsible for others as well.
Fighting with my devils I came up with some practices, which help to improve my self-love. For the beginning, find one thing that you don’t like about your body and transform it in your own zest: Yes I have full thighs but thanks for it I can deal with long trips on foot, I can dance, do skiing and other fascinating things that bring me joy and turn my life into an exciting trip.
Talking with others about your feelings may also help to accept yourself and even turn the darkest thoughts into the lightest. Yoga and healthy food help to find a pleasure in the smallest things because they open up the real taste of life, not these fictional perfections that we usually strive to. Try those practices NOW, it requires a lot of strength but it may change your life.
At the end of my story, I would like to mention one super simple thing, which helps me not to give up - FUTURE, I want to live and see the future, I want to feel love, happiness, to see smiles on my closest people faces and to leave a footprint on the earth. I believe in MYSELF and I believe in YOU.