Filomena Valentino - Weight doesn't dictate your need of help!
Hey Warrior Talk!
First of all I want to thank you Margherita for everything she does, it has impacted me majorly, helping me to make my weight gain more enjoyable and seeing it as something good.
Weight doesn't dictate your need of help!
Tomorrow is the day. I will become impatient, at normal weight….
I think that's the most difficult thing I ever did.
I'm 20 years old and since I was 14, I struggled with food, body image and depression. At that time I wasn't aware, but looking back from a different perspective food occupied the majority of my thoughts in those 6 years. Occasionally being underweight with anorexic behaviours but also having huge phases in which I was at a normal weight. Still really depressed, super insecure and ruled by food and my constantly changing rules around that which gave me a sense of security and stability. Even if I didn't appear sick visibly in my mind I still was. The were times when being at a healthy weight were even more difficult than being underweight. I was just living from meal to meal, constantly fighting with myself.
'Am I allowed to eat now?'
'Yes, of course. Everybody eats bread. It's normal!'
'Don't do it, you are going to get fat, you already had carbs today’...
Those 'voices' would drive me crazy.
I was a bird, urging to be free, not capable of escaping, held back by the cage, built by myself without noticing.
So last year my little 'friends' (or should I rather say f**** devils) anorexia and bulimia creeped back into my life. At this point I decided to try out stationary therapy. I felt like a loser not even able to EAT… but asking for help does NOT mean you are giving up!
Now I'm at a normal weight which has been caused by the huge binges I had because of my body's exhaustion. But the demons aren't gone as much as I want them to be and as huge as my willpower is. I'm sadly still not enjoying life and the fight inside is the worst I ever had.
Willpower is so important and a wonderful tool. But anyway, eating disorders are mental illnesses and my story shows that very well. By going to therapy I want to show you and especially myself that we are worth of help and weight does NOT define whether you are sick or not. I believe in you and myself. Together we got this, stay strong!