Ariel McLaughlin - My name is Ariel
This is my poem,
This is my story.
Love from Ariel.
A demon inside you that keeps you awake
She tells you that eating would be a mistake
You don't deserve the food that is there
If you eat anything, everyone will stare
Skinny is the only word that you know
You feel the eyes of the world burning your soul
Every night is a hurdle, you try to hide
You try to hide that demon inside
You eat just to convince them that you're not fighting a battle
A battle you've long lost
Alone in your sheets, planning your "meals" meticulously
Getting through each day, trying so hard to hide your pain
She tells you she'll help you, she'll be your friend
She tells you to listen, when you're thin, the pain will end
People will like you, envy you even
They'll regret ever making fun
Jokes on them, you have more self-control
Countless hours spent, staring and pinching
Trying to fix something that didn't need any fixing
Broken and shattered, you're a slave to her now
She's made it so hard to find a way out
Absurd habits are formed, she tells you it's fine
She makes excuses to convince people it's alright
Struggling to breath, you realise you're not there
She's replaced you, the real you is buried deep somewhere
Body screaming in pain, you fight to survive
Realising now that she's after your life
The battle is not lost, it's only beginning
She screams that you need her, without her you're nothing
But under the ashes, the real you starts rising
She screams and fights as I light her on fire
Shrieking that I will not survive without her
But now I know that that is a lie
For under the ashes and through the heavy storm
I have learned that without her I am something, something much more.
You see, I'm a warrior.
I fight her everyday
I realise that she is the one who inflicted all this pain
Through turmoil and grief, I've realised some things;
I am unique, a jewel beyond measure.
To love myself is not and should not be hard, it is a pleasure
I have talents and dreams, that is not a lie
And for the first time in 5 years, I think I am beginning to say my final goodbyes
To this tortuous voice that's killed me inside
I suffer from Anorexia. But my name is Ariel.