Josephine hoen - Bumblebees can fly.

Dear Warriors,

I hope you enjoy my writing!

Big hug, From Josephine! 

Bumblebees can fly

When we have a closer look at the lovely little beings that bumblebees truly are, we might be able to conclude, or at least wonder about, the fact that they don’t particularly seem to be built to fly. Simply due to the fact that their bodyweight-wings ratio is, let’s say, a bit disproportionate. In fact, they’re absolutely not aerodynamic efficient when it comes to their daily need (to stay alive and gather food): flying. Yet, they do fly around. Although they might not be the greatest, best, most wonderful and fast of flying beings around, they still do fly!

Well of course we can dive into the subject of bumblebees a little further but that wasn’t exactly the meaning of this very writing of mine. Not that there is a particular way this text is meant to be but I do want to address another subject where for I tried to use this bumblebee story as an introduction or even more as a methaphor. So those lil’ big bees cannot fly – in theory. Yet they do because they need to. Well, in life we all come across so many situations we just rationally know or emotionally feel like we can’t deal with. Because our minds tell us or either make us believe that we can’t. Yet, we do surprise ourselves so often. And you might be surprised by your friend, husband, child or even your pet when he/she/it shows/does/says something you would have never expected or even thought possible. Basically it all comes down to the power of mind(set). It might seem like an age old cliché but believe me when I say it does. Because I can truly, genuinely say that I’ve been there. So many times actually. So this, my dear readers, is the beginning of a short tale I would love to share with y’all.

It all starts with a girl named Josephine. A couple of years ago she found herself stuck in a situation she couldn’t get out of. It actually wasn’t just a situation. Because it was worse than that. It was in her head. It wouldn’t get out. At a certain point it even got called a name. To Josephine’s confusion it had been called ‘Anorexia Nervosa’. At this point Josephine got admitted to a hospital in her hometown. There she learned in a short amount of time how she, being an anorexic person (whatever that may be), is expected to act. Since most of the nurses seem to be extremely prejudiced about this, what they like to call, mental disorder. Soon the 15 year old girl got out of hospital. Not that this made things any better. It turned out to be the very start of a long period spent in hospitals, eating disorder clinics, therapeutic couches and lot’s of other places you do not wish to be. While others enjoyed, struggled, cried, laughed, played sports, went to school, had boyfriends, girlfriends and pyjama parties I was only surviving. No living – just surviving.

Around age 17 she developed some strenuous pains in her hips, lower back and knees. It would come and go but when it was there it was very painful. Luckily it wasn’t there often and she didn’t really pay any attention to it. But turning 18 Josephine decided to pick up some sports together with a physiotherapist. Just to build up some strength and endurance. While still being at a very dangerously low and mere BMI . So, yes, there would’ve been better hobbies to pick. Soon Josephine developed a new obsession. Yes, she gained weight. But all wasn’t well at all. While still being severely underweight she got addicted to exercise. Although it started very mildly it soon progressed to sporting around 4 hours a day on a high intensity level and it ruled her entire life. Life wasn’t about food anymore but now it evolved around exercise. From then on the pain got more severe and actively present. It wouldn’t take too long before she had so much pain that she needed to quit every kind of exercise and would be in pain for days and nights. Everything became a major chore from then on due to the pain. It was a nightmare even worse than before.

Fast forward to three years from when the pain issue started.
At age 20 Josephine and her parents, particularly her mom, were exhausted. They’d searched for a solution for three years. Had been visiting Doctors, specialists and all kinds of other professionals within the medical field. But up until then no one had been able to find out what was really wrong let alone fix it. Though, in the end, it was dignosed. It turned out Josephine had a genetic hip problem that came to light early in life, instead of in a couple of years, due to the overexercising. Unless what everybody thought and judged me for, it wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t purely due to overexercising. The Anorexia wasn’t to blame either. This condition has disabled me for almost three years in terms of literaly everything. No sitting, no cycling, no sleeping, no study,  no car driving, no sports, no friends but the most important and devestating of all has been the 24/7 extreme groin, hip, back and knee pain I had and still have to endure.

A little more than a week ago I had the first surgery. Started with my right hip. It’s been done in London at the Hip Arthroscopy Centre by Ernest Schilders. I would highly recommend this man to anyone. Especially young adults, in who he has specialized. Thanks to him I’m still alive. I didn’t commit suicide. Although it was very close by so many times. Especially when I was told over and over again, mainly by my GP, that this was all in my head – the pain was in my head. Which is bullshit. It was only a way for them to put their hands off me. They weren’t capable enough to diagnose me nor help me. There were some who tried but that definitely didn’t make things any better. In several cases it actually made things worse. Which is pretty probable when given the fact I got treatments for diagnoses I didn’t have.

Although I still have a long way to go I can finally say I do have a much more positive outlook on my future and my current days then I’ve had in years. I don’t believe in the saying that the strongest people get the toughest tasks in life. But I do believe that you should never ever give up on yourself. Because you deserve better. Things might not be going well. Or worse than that. But so, so many times there is a solution for things even though you might be one hundred percent sure that there is no way out. The most important thing you have to remember during these times is that you’re worth fighting for and more than worth staying alive. No one should ever take their own life in times of chaos, panic and insecurity

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