Maria Magdalena - Fighting For Freedom
Fighting For Freedom
By Maria Magdalena
My name is Maria-Magdalena and I'm fifteen years old. I live in Germany and I have been struggling with anorexia since 2015 but at the moment I'm doing better than ever. It all started when I was thirteen years old and I realized a lot of people from my school didn't want to be friends with me anymore. I thought I would need to become different and I'd need to change myself to have any friends.
These days I know it's completely silly in my eyes because EVERYONE is beautiful in their own way. Although at the time I thought that I was a problem. These feelings made me start to lose weight. I had a healthy weight to begin with but of course I saw the number on the scale drop... but I didn't understand what it actually meant and when I looked into the mirrow I still saw myself not skinny enough.
I lost so much more than just weight. I lost all my happiness, my friends and especially my real self. I've always been a healthy and happy girl until then. I didn't talk to anybody about it and about the way I felt but of course my parents realized the way I've changed and how skinny I had become. My Mother took me to a a few times to see a specialist and I was diagnosed with anorexia. Since then I needed to be weighed twice a week and I also needed to go and see a psychologist. But I still didn't understand what was going on. In my eyes, I wasn't ill and I thought they all would be wrong.
It took me a long-long time to actually see that I was ill. Not until early this year did I accept that I was ill and accept that I needed help- and that's okay. It's OKAY to have help and it's OKAY to take the time you need to start recovering, the only important thing is that you start!
Let me tell you, that the perfect time for recovering will never come. The start will always feel uncomfortable but I promise you it'll get easier with every step. And although I still have a long way to go and I'm still struggling a lot, I can tell you it has already been so so so worth it. There is a life waiting for you, right there, for you to live. Be you. It feels so good to enjoy food and to spend time with my family and friends.
What helped me most is to focus on the things I wish to do but I'm not able to do at the moment because of anorexia; like dancing for example. Don't suppress yourself- listen to yourself- your needs and your dreams. I know it's easy for me to say but hard to actually do it. It helps to always remind yourself on all these things- every day- every time you need to, remember it. Don't give up- you'll get there! I'll get there soon! Sending so much love and strength to all of you! Thanks so so much!
Have an awesome day!